How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she smelled like a LAN party
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
