That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Holy shit dude........stairs
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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