i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
home. puking in laundry basket.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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