Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
