I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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