fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
