No awkward lesbian experiences without me
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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