She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
