Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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