: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
