Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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