you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
