At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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