Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
