hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
