I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize