Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
