The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
