i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
