Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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