I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
