return my video game
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
