He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
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