he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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