so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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