nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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