i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
