Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
