The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
