just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
