Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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