What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
