if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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