Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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