I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
