Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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