He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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