i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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