sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
