I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize