Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.