u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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