your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I told you penises don't tan
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe