i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
