So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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