he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
