a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
