i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
