Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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