she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
