So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
