I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
