she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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