it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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