I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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