So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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