last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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