Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
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he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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