so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
