32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
