dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
it hurts more in the daytime
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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