she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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