Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
