If that was your dad, he is hot
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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