sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
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I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
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You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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