hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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